Saturday, November 14, 2015

Alone is ok

 It was a year in August that I've been on my own. And in that time, I've gone through the expected emotions and phases of learning to live with only myself and my little dog for company. At first I cried, and spent enormous amounts of time on the phone with friends as I reached out in search of contact. Then I got involved and stayed busy for a while as I learned to adapt. Finally, I began to learn how to enjoy my own company and explore my own likes and desires.

And all through-out, I have learned that I am as strong as I've always suspected I am but was previously afraid to try. I have learned how delicious independence can be and how solitude is not a cause for crushing anxiety, but rather something to be enjoyed. I am exploring different hobbies and creative pursuits and without any distractions, am practicing discipline at staying with a project to the end. 

And, while I still miss having a partner to be tender with, I'm not particularly keen to go looking for one. There are areas in my life where I want to grow further, and although I have come a long way in my view of myself and level of confidence, that is another point I want to continue focusing on. It feels good to be happy with myself, growing and learning, and satisfied on my own. 

 Besides, my little dog Leila is the best companion I could ask for
Leila smiling

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Learning discipline

I'll admit that I did not feel much like blogging today, and it was only after playing around, reading past blogs and comments that I decided I was going to keep my commitment to write this thing regularly (and actually felt inspired to write something).

I've been sick all week, off work since I was sent home by my fellow CSAs Monday, and feeling guilty on top of physically ill. I know that we are short-staffed at work this week and that me being away has made coverage difficult. Knowing that I can't do anything about it doesn't make me feel better either.

And now, I have been hearing on the news that my area is in for a major storm and residents are being warned to prepare in case the power goes out. I have to say, I feel pretty darn prepared! I have 2 4-litre jugs full of water in the freezer, freezing in case the power goes out so that they will help keep the freezer cold.

I also have another 2 litre jug of water in the fridge. Plus food galore, candles, propane in the BBQ and a sheltered area outside if I need to use it to cook on. I have two large pots of water full of water on the stove on low, with their lids on, so I'll have some hot water - for a while anyway. Yup, feeling like a grown-up. The only thing I would like to have that I don't, is a generator.

Not just any generator either. I have some experience with generators and have to say that the Honda brand is the best in my opinion. There may be others that are just as/ or quieter than a Honda, but I haven't come across any yet. I think a little 2000i would be more than sufficient to run anything I could want, (heater, coffee machine, lights, maybe a little stove).

The thing about all this is, I've been thinking since the spring that I should get prepared in case of an emergency, (I do live on the West coast which is prone to earthquakes and wild - and getting wilder - storms). I was caught somewhat unprepared in August, when the poweer went out. I didn't have enough water or or propane on hand.

Well, here's hoping all my preparations are in vain and the power stays on and the storm passes uneventfully.

Until next time...

Sunday, November 8, 2015

Return to the blog

It's been a long, long time since I was willing to put my thoughts and ideas down in a public forum - at least in regards to my personal life. (Politics is another matter. I've actually been running a (mostly anti-Harper) Facebook Page, The Squeaky Wheel - at least it was anti-Harper up until the election. Lately it seems to have more positive stories that make one feel good.) But after a lengthy hiatus where I journaled off and on and dealt with the ending of my marriage for good, I feel ready to be read again, and to return to my blog.

It occurs to me, perhaps due to my lengthy absence, that blog strikes me as an odd word. Like blob. What is a blob, one might wonder. I recently read an article on climate change in the New York times that included a section about a 'blob' of warmer-than average water off the coast of North America. It was a frightening look at what kind of world we may end up with if we don't take steps to protect our earth now.

But I digress. What I really wanted to talk about today is how journaling can really help put perspective on something your mind may be struggling with. For example, I had a dream this morning that was very clear to me and I kept the memory of it after I awoke. As I pondered the meaning of the dream over the morning, I formed an idea of what I thought it could mean.

Finally, I took pen and paper and wrote about it. And, as I wrote, entirely different and new interpretations began to spring from the insights that occurred to me as I wrote about the experience. By the time I was finished writing about the dream, I no longer thought my original interpretations were valid and I had learned something about myself. Something for me to work on and improve for greater personal satisfaction.

I encourage everyone, if you have an issue, or a situation you are dealing with. Perhaps with a family member, a co-worker, or a health situation. Sit down for ten minutes and write about it. You will be surprised at what your mind tells you.

Well, as much as I feel "full to bursting", and like I could go on and on and on, it is 11:30 pm almost and I have work tomorrow. But, I will be back. I am committing to writing this blog a minimum of five days per week. So, come on back and check out my next posts. :)

Ciao for now! S